Walking the Line

In this post I'll recount several events, moving forward in chronological order.

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May 14th, 2018 

In my music class, "Music Industry 105: Songwriters on Songwriting," we have a special guest from the music industry come to class every week for an interview about their career followed by an intimate Q and A run by the students and moderated by the professor. A couple of my favorite guests to that point included Andy Summers (guitarist for the Police) and Dan Wilson (the songwriter behind hits from Adele, John Legend, and his own band, Semisonic), as well as Josie Dunne, a young up and coming artist who is the nicest, most polite Southern gal you'll ever meet. 

Our guest for the class taking place on Monday, May 14th would be Evan Taubenfeld, former guitarist for Avril Lavigne, former solo artist, and current A&R guy for Crush Music, who represents Lorde, Green Day, and Fall Out Boy, among others. This class would be a little different from the usual format; following the interview and Q&A sesh, the last part of the class would be set aside for students to play their demos over the class PA system and be critiqued by Evan. In an email, our professor described it as "a great opportunity to receive real world feedback about your work." 

I was excited. I was looking forward to this class ever since the professor announced it a few weeks prior. I was submitting a track called "Swipe Left," from my hip-hop duo, Little Pink Cooks. Like all of our tracks, I'd co-wrote this song with my other Cook, gdotdeniro (whom I endearingly refer to as My G). 

When I sent the track to my professor, he replied: "Great. Got it. And a great title. Although 'swipe right' is fun too." I showed the email to My G and we both had a good laugh.

To put it lightly, I was excited as hell. I knew our song was good. It's got a dark but melodic chord progression, the classic Cooks snare drum, and one of the catchiest hooks you'll hear. The delivery in my rap verse is a contained aggression as I delightfully tear into social media posers in my lyrics. My G's verse is creative and witty as usual and sheds a light on the unfortunate byproduct of the smartphone generation. 

No other rapper or group out there sounds like us. That's precisely why I walked into class that day with the utmost confidence. 

As the other kids went up before me and played their demos, a pattern became pretty evident. Everyone sounds the same. The girls go for that "indie pop" voice (you know exactly the type of voice I'm talking about) and the guys all sounded like a fake Future with low-budget Drake-imitation singing. 

"I like this," Evan would say to one of the rapper kids. "Just work together with your producer, it sounds pretty polished and I like where you're heading. The percussion needs to change, but it has good vocals."

A girl went up there and played her song, and she had a great voice. The only problem was it sounded exactly like an Adele song. Nonetheless, Evan praised it, and gassed her up big time. 

Oh yeah, I thought to myself. If he likes these kids, then this guy's gonna LOVE the Cooks. 

There was a couple demos that I liked, though. One was a song from an all-girl band who had a really catchy vocal over guitars that sounded very Black Sabbath-esque. Nice. The other was a song from a girl named Layla. Hers was really good too. 

Finally, it was my turn. Professor Leaf announced my name and I stood up, threw up the "devil horns" and walked up to the stage with all the swagger in the world. I introduced myself and my track, and it began to play. With a smile I took a step back from the mic and let the audience be enlightened and liberated by the song. I even danced to the beat a little bit. 

Suddenly, 30 seconds in, Evan makes a cutting motion to the tech people. They immediately stop the song. My smile slowly fades. But it didn't even get to my verse yet! I think to myself. In that moment I knew something was wrong. I look toward the stage and wait for Evan to speak. 

"I probably would have stopped it earlier if [this] was my office." 

Ah, fuck. 

"...and the reason is, it's just a tough title. People judge things by their covers, that's how it is in the entertainment industry. That's not your fault—it just... it puts it in a box, where all of a sudden I'm thinking—and this could be totally wrong, I'm just telling you what my assumption is—well this isn't a very serious song. Is it a gimmick, is it a novelty thing... I think that's a dangerous thing, right? And then it undermines the rest of the message. Is there a way, musically, to show who you really are, like is there one level deeper..."

"Absolutely," I say. 

Well of course there is, I say in my head. But you only fucking heard 30 seconds, bro. 

On his 'gimmick' comment I just have to respond: 

"We want to tread that line between darkness, and subtle humor, and sometimes not so subtle," I say.

"I think people are smarter than you give them credit for," Evan replies. "If you see the new Donald Glover video, people have found 10 things that I missed the first time I watched it... I think that with humor, you could probably be way more subtle."

The thing is," Evan continued, "is that my opinion is just one out of 7 billion. You as the artist can choose to take some things from certain opinions and some from others... and the easiest way to find out if you're right or wrong is to build something for yourself, build your audience, build your following... there are so many songs that get big that I think are piles of garbage." 

The class laughs.

Did this guy just mention 'garbage' and my music in the same sentence? 

I later realized that he probably didn't mean it that way, but in that moment I took slight to it. Regardless I stayed silent and respectful. Starting an argument or getting butt-hurt would only make me look bad as well as the professor. 

Evan's concludes with some final thoughts. "With something like this, I would say 'I don't know.' Explore it. I'm obviously more dismissive of [the song]. But if it's an ambition of yours—who cares what I say? I work at Crush. Screw me! Musically, it was good. Make your own thing, follow that, and build from it." 

I say thanks and depart the stage. Finally it was over. An awkward silence had filled the class over the past 5 minutes. I had just gotten shredded in front of the entire class of 100 people by the Avril Lavigne guy. What. The. Fuck. 

As soon as class is over, I dip out of there as quickly as I can, not making eye contact with anyone. 

I exit Schoenberg Hall out the rear exit and take a hard course toward Royce Quad, walking fast to move out of earshot of anyone who could have possibly been in my class.

I pull out my phone and call My G. I'm halfway to hysterics. 

"What up My G?" he answers. "How'd it go?" 

"My G..." I stammer. "...we got fucking ripped My G!!"  

"Ah, fuck." 

I tell him what happened. Every detail. 

"What the FUCK? What a fucking douchebag!" 

"Right??" 

"Over a fucking title—he didn't even hear the fucking music!" 

"And he was gassing up literally everyone else My G and they all sounded the fucking same!!"

"Y'know what the problem is, people don't want to hear shit that's different, they wanna hear things that sound like what they already know."

"I can't believe he ripped me in front of everyone. Although he did say musically it was good."

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE???"

"EXACTLY!!! This guy kept talking about the title, the fucking title and I'm like is this guy serious right now??? Fuuuuuuuck man, I swear."

"Y'know what? Fuck it, My G. We don't make music for execs, we make music for the people, My G. If we'd had something out there right now I guarantee every kid in that class would have checked it out. "

"You're right," I said, gathering my wits about me. I was still angry, but even more motivated to make music that uniquely us. 

"I feel a diss track coming... I might cook one tonight." 

"Hell yes My G." 

"I'll be honest though, I kind of had a feeling this would happen."

"Then why the fuck didn't you tell me??" 

"Haha."

"What a dick."

"Alright My G. We gotta cook soon."

"Alright My G. Have a good one."

"Have a good one." 

Later that evening I got a text from my friend in the class, Ceara. She's a fellow artist with a sweet voice and an even sweeter personality (not to mention she's unbelievably hot. Like, model status). 

Loved your song & wish they played more! <3, she wrote. It was honestly one of my favorites out of all of them, if not my favorite :). 

Awwww. She's so nice. That made me feel better. 

After that moment, I realized I may have overreacted to the criticism. I was just caught off guard, that's all. Nothing Evan could have said would have changed the way I make music. I know in my heart that me and My G have something special on our hands. And I can't wait till we let it out into the world. 

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Saturday, May 19th

Rico Stick, dude!!!

My good friend and bandmate, Rico Stick, was having his 50th birthday party at Creative Studios in North Hollywood. Myself and the rest of the band, as well as his family and a few friends had been setting up the venue the night before. The boys and I set up the music equipment and moved it into the aborechamber, which was huge and could accomodate over a hundred people. 

I made my way over to to stage left, where my friend and guitar player Dave was. He had two 400 watt guitar cabs set up, with a Carvin head and a power amp, along with 4 guitars in a coffin case and a Line 6 Helix multi-effects processor. Talk about a dream rig! 

"You really gonna run two cabs, man?" I asked him. 

"Yeah bro," he replied. "I don't buy all this shit for nothing!" 

Our band would be providing the entertainment for the night and performing a headlining set of classic rock covers. This was to be my second show in 3 days, the first show being a little gig I did at the University Catholic Center the previous Thursday. Two days later I would have my own headlining show at Kerckhoff Coffee Shop at UCLA, so tonight I had to try to save my voice and not go too hard. These attempts would later prove to be futile. 

Rico, along with his brother Louie, are old friends of my dad's and of the family. Their friendship goes back at least 40 years. All of their friends from grade school and high school as well as their extended families were there, and it was cool to see. 

As I pulled up my car to park, I catch glimpse of my Grandma Hilda and Grandpa Nacho, whom I hadn't seen in months because they live in Arizona. I was so surprised and happy to see them, I had no idea they'd be there!!! But they wanted to see me perform. It was so good to see them, I'd missed them so much. 

After some food, drinks, and mingling, it was time for the show. 

Our first song of the night was Iron Maiden's Ides of March/Wrathchild. When I started singing, I could't hear myself, despite there being a floor wedge right in front of me. So I did the one thing that you are not supposed to do when you can't hear yourself. 

I sang louder. 

Oopsie. 

I sounded nice and powerful, but with each passing second I was putting my voice in overdrive. Not good. But at least I sounded good. 

The show went really well. It was a big crowd and they loved us! Maybe it was the alcohol, but they thought we were the bee's knees. Several people buzzed people I didn't know came up to me and told me how great I did. Being a performer is all about bringing joy to people, and I think I helped do that tonight with the help of my great band. Happy birthday, Rico!! \m/ 

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Monday, May 21st 

Today was the day. My very own headlining concert in Kerckhoff Coffee Shop. A 1-hour set!!! I was so excited—that meant I'd get to play my deep cuts and my longer, more complicated songs. 

I've written and recorded over an hour and forty-five minutes' worth of original material over two albums. If you include the songs I've written that haven't been released yet, it's well over two hours. A rule of mine is to never write something that I won't be able to perform live, so all my tracks are concert-ready at a moment's notice. How many other 23-year-olds can say that? 

Anyway, I sat down and picked my setlist. I was excited for some of my favorite songs to make their live debut—songs like Queen of Emptiness, Dentro del Sol, and Faith.  

I was also excited to debut my new, minimalist setup. It's completely ampless, so it saved me a lot of stress from having to carry a bulky guitar amp around. I used my Line 6 Variax guitar (my prized possession), which can model other guitars and change tunings with the turn of the switch. I also brought along my POD HD500x, a multi-effects floorboard which can digitally emulate any amp sound, acoustic sound, as well as an onboard EQ so I can fine tune everything to sound how I like. Since I didn't use an amp, I just plugged in straight to the front of the house PA via quarter inch jack, using only the 500x as a pre-amp. 

The Variax is an electric guitar in the shape of a strat, but the sound coming out of it for tonight would be that of an acoustic guitar, thanks to the digital modeling. That is so cool, man. I love technology! Jimi Hendrix and Randy Rhoads would shit bricks if they knew about this shit back then.

In the time leading up to the first song, I watched my people file in: my co-workers, The G-Squad, headed by My G who even brought along his daughter, whom I endearingly refer to as Princess G. My boy Donald brought his whole family. Shad even made an appearance. Of course my Dad was there too, along with my bandmates Hector and Gio. My transfer friends, Libni and Ani came, and also Alex and Gaby and Mark and Mike. Even Sister Jeannette from the UCC came, along with my friend Regina! I was humbled and grateful. 

It warmed my heart to see so many familiar faces in the audience. When I first started playing gigs here, I was playing to no one. Now I was headlining my own show and all my people came to support me. That was so nice of them. They're the people who are dearest to me. 

I played one of the best shows I've ever played. I've never felt more in control of my instrument than I do now. I feel confident as a performer. My voice sounded great, and my guitar sounded even better. My guitar solos came with ease and I wasn't even thinking about it. Toward the end of the show though, I had a technical difficulty which negatively impacted my guitar tone (damn technology!). But other than that I think it went perfect. I know now more than ever that this is what I'm meant to do. 

If you're reading this and you were at that show—thank you. You helped make that a special night for me. 

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Thursday, June 14th 

I write this on the eve of graduation. I have a million thoughts swirling through my head, but yet, I hardly feel anything. I know that all I can do is live in the moment, and thank God for all that He's blessed me with. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for my faith in Him. 

It's 9:50 PM. The night is dark and quiet. 

Just a hint of uncertainty starts to creep in. I decide to push it aside and save it for later. This weekend will be the most significant of my life. 

For now I'm just going to enjoy the silence.